REMEMBER

Remember when I was so lost in You and all I could see was your love?
Remember when I couldn't view my own ways; your ways were all I desired to know?

Love.......Obsession......Peace.....

Remember when I was beautiful just the way You created me?
Remember when i would flow in the gifts You had given me?

Freedom.......Grace......Submission.....

I know I can do better.
I know I could do so much more.

Quotas.......Oppression......Hindrances.....

I will change myself to be more like you!
I will, I can, I must!

Bitterness........Anger......Callousness.....

I am so lost, and have such a lack of love!
All I see are my ways; I desire that which I don't have.

!@#$%^&%#@!#%

I am so ugly within
I am dried and am withering away!

*You whisper* *REMEMBER*

MAY I NEVER FORGET! MAY I NEVER DEPEND UPON MYSELF.....YOU AND YOU ALONE SUSTAIN...YOU ARE ALL SUFFICIENT....YOU HAVE FORGIVEN ME, AND SIMPLY ASK ME TO COME AND BE WHAT YOU HAVE CREATED...I LOOK LIKE NO OTHER, I AM NO OTHER, I AM ORIGINALLY YOURS AND YOURS ALONE!

...

Woe is me; oh my heart has such disdain. My natural self cries out in anger and wrath.

You have defined who I am , yet I run ramped down the boulevard of self.

Father my souls bleed, my legs shake, but not due to being awestruck by your presence; but rather due to my rebellious marathons.

Father bring me back to a place where I put my struggles in your hands.

Lord bring me back to a time where I did not horde my anger.

I have become jealous over my flesh, unintentionally handing it to the destroyer of souls.

The greed of self stains my hands red like clay from the earth.

Wash me Father, wash my hands, nurture my bleeding feet.

Father I have run a race headed towards disaster.

Place me on the grass leading towards life.

Point me towards your bosom and hold me near your heart.

May I once again sustain my life from your breath, from your blood, from your flesh?

May your precious name ring sweet in my ringing ears, may it drown out the sounds of my own screams?

Take my anger Father, I am angry, I am angry, I am hurt, I am confused...You know.....You can have it.

From a Selfish Heart

Dear God,

This is a letter from a selfish heart.
Father I am broken before you as I am wrapped in m y 10x10 box administratively perfect with its florescent glow.
My soul creams for the streets below, my eyes fill with tears for those who are so needy.
You created me, so you know me best. Lord I am not a patient person, I am not one to wait on things to change; God I so desire passion here and now.
I hear from pulpits and books saying make the most out of the now. Lord the now is so draining and seems to lack such purpose.

God break me of what a life of purpose looks like in my mind. Lord I have lived a life full of dreams and aspirations, but now I feel those dreams pulling me into a dark place.
God may the reality of your purpose take center stage in my starlit thoughts. May I embrace You wherever You are in the here and now. You are my purpose oh God, You are my passion.Lord may I remember little hands that work hours on end and still manage to overflow with your passion.

God forgive my selfish heart. Lord may I remember it is never where I am that sustains me, but God it is who YOU are. You are MY GOD, You are ALMIGHTY, You are PASSION.... All of these things need not be found in menial tasks that validate my life, but by your presence that dwells within me. Change me OH God; envelop my inner being so that I may seek passion from within and not outward.